These are the good parts of winter!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sledding
These are the good parts of winter!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
My Story: Part 1
I am a pretty reserved person and don't usually talk about things that are super private or personal, the real nitty gritty hard things in life. I just feel like they makes people uncomfortable or they feel like they need to fix them, which then makes me uncomfortable. So generally its always been easier to just smile and pretend that things are fine. BUT for some reason I have felt like I need to be more honest and that I need to share my real story and feelings, share the real me... maybe its for me or for my prosperity, or maybe someone else just needs to hear it.... regardless after much hesitation I'm going to share a little bit of my story,
This story began July 23rd 2010. We were 17 weeks pregnant with our second baby, everything was exactly how we had planned. Our children would be almost exactly 3 years apart, just like we had wanted from the time we had gotten married. It was so easy for us to get pregnant, in fact we were not even sure of the dates because we hadn't really expected it to happen so fast. We were able to have an early ultrasound at 8 weeks to determine the dates. There we listened to the beautiful, strong, heart beat of our child. At around 14 weeks I started to feel the baby kick. We were getting so excited about this little baby! We were far enough along that we had long ago told Syler, our families, friends and work. We had even been referring to it as baby Axzion.
Then while we were out in Magrath for the annual Magrath celebrations I began to noticed something was wrong, I wasn't feeling the baby kick anymore and I just had this feeling that something was not right. After some encouragement from my mom I decided to try and go to the Doctors, just to reassure me that everything was fine. I called the office the morning of July 23rd. At first they couldn't get me in, since I wasn't having any bleeding or cramping it wasn't emergent and I was scheduled for our mid way ultrasound the following week so they wanted me to wait for that. However later that afternoon they had a cancellation so we ended up getting in. We went into the doctors office where they searched for the babies heart beat with the doppler. After a thorough attempt was made they sent us to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound, saying that they may just not be able to find the heart beat with the doppler the baby could be fine,.. or not... we would have to wait and see.
Dahlin and I sat together hand in hand in the waiting room, knowing that whatever happened we would be there for each other. Not knowing at all the magnitude that that promise would entail for us over the next year. Once we got in the ultrasound room it was quickly determined that there was a 16 week gestation fetus with no heart beat. The ultrasound tech quietly got the radiologist who caringly explained that this happens sometimes for no reason at all, and that he was sorry! and then he left us alone to console each other. This was my first experience with the harsh blow that one instant can bring, the reality that life is completely and utterly out of my control.
Later we met with our obstetrician who explained to us that because the pregnancy was so far along I would have to deliver the fetus rather than have a d and c. Three days later I gave birth to a perfect baby boy. In the privacy of our hospital room while holding him in my hands I wept over the life he would never live. I was devastated! I will never forget the perfectly formed fingers that I held in my hand or his tiny head that I stroked. I will never forget the beautiful ears that I whispered I love you in, or the cheek that I kissed. It was all there! He was my perfect very small baby that never got the chance to be mine.
Eventually the Doctor came back in to discuss what the next step would be. We decided to do an autopsy to see what had went wrong. When I asked them what they would do with the body after the autopsy they said they would dispose of it. Because it was not a viable gestational age they were not required or even accustomed to bury the fetus. It would be treated like any other organ removed from a persons body. I had dreamt of the life this child would live, I had held him in my hands, I had kissed his cheek and they expected me to let them disposed of it? After some discussion they decided to release the "body" to us after the autopsy.
On July 30th we buried our tiny baby in a small pine box that my dad built for him with a headstone marking the spot our baby Azxion would lay. We had such a hard time deciding where to put him so that he would not be alone. Never imagining that in 2 and a half short months one of my most precious people would be joining him.
This story began July 23rd 2010. We were 17 weeks pregnant with our second baby, everything was exactly how we had planned. Our children would be almost exactly 3 years apart, just like we had wanted from the time we had gotten married. It was so easy for us to get pregnant, in fact we were not even sure of the dates because we hadn't really expected it to happen so fast. We were able to have an early ultrasound at 8 weeks to determine the dates. There we listened to the beautiful, strong, heart beat of our child. At around 14 weeks I started to feel the baby kick. We were getting so excited about this little baby! We were far enough along that we had long ago told Syler, our families, friends and work. We had even been referring to it as baby Axzion.
Then while we were out in Magrath for the annual Magrath celebrations I began to noticed something was wrong, I wasn't feeling the baby kick anymore and I just had this feeling that something was not right. After some encouragement from my mom I decided to try and go to the Doctors, just to reassure me that everything was fine. I called the office the morning of July 23rd. At first they couldn't get me in, since I wasn't having any bleeding or cramping it wasn't emergent and I was scheduled for our mid way ultrasound the following week so they wanted me to wait for that. However later that afternoon they had a cancellation so we ended up getting in. We went into the doctors office where they searched for the babies heart beat with the doppler. After a thorough attempt was made they sent us to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound, saying that they may just not be able to find the heart beat with the doppler the baby could be fine,.. or not... we would have to wait and see.
Dahlin and I sat together hand in hand in the waiting room, knowing that whatever happened we would be there for each other. Not knowing at all the magnitude that that promise would entail for us over the next year. Once we got in the ultrasound room it was quickly determined that there was a 16 week gestation fetus with no heart beat. The ultrasound tech quietly got the radiologist who caringly explained that this happens sometimes for no reason at all, and that he was sorry! and then he left us alone to console each other. This was my first experience with the harsh blow that one instant can bring, the reality that life is completely and utterly out of my control.
Later we met with our obstetrician who explained to us that because the pregnancy was so far along I would have to deliver the fetus rather than have a d and c. Three days later I gave birth to a perfect baby boy. In the privacy of our hospital room while holding him in my hands I wept over the life he would never live. I was devastated! I will never forget the perfectly formed fingers that I held in my hand or his tiny head that I stroked. I will never forget the beautiful ears that I whispered I love you in, or the cheek that I kissed. It was all there! He was my perfect very small baby that never got the chance to be mine.
Eventually the Doctor came back in to discuss what the next step would be. We decided to do an autopsy to see what had went wrong. When I asked them what they would do with the body after the autopsy they said they would dispose of it. Because it was not a viable gestational age they were not required or even accustomed to bury the fetus. It would be treated like any other organ removed from a persons body. I had dreamt of the life this child would live, I had held him in my hands, I had kissed his cheek and they expected me to let them disposed of it? After some discussion they decided to release the "body" to us after the autopsy.
On July 30th we buried our tiny baby in a small pine box that my dad built for him with a headstone marking the spot our baby Azxion would lay. We had such a hard time deciding where to put him so that he would not be alone. Never imagining that in 2 and a half short months one of my most precious people would be joining him.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Happy Halloween
We had a busy Halloween this year! In Claresholm they try not to have school on October 31 or November 1st because the kids are just to outta control. Consequently our party started on the 30th with Sylers Halloween parade, he was SO excited for it! While he was at school Laiken and I went to the library Tails and Tots Halloween Party. Laike however was not excited to get dressed up and refused to wear his costume. We went anyways as the party poopers of the group not dressed up.
Halloween morning our ward Primary put on a Halloween carnival. They did a really great job with lots of fun activities and festive food for the kids. We continued our fun that afternoon doing some trick or treating at the stores in town. Dahlin ended the night off taking the kids door to door trick or treating with the Wright boys. Syler was a maniac, they started at 6:30 and Syler lasted until after 9:00. He got a LOT of candy!!
Syler was a ninja this year and he had so much fun with his costume. I think he seriously wishes he was a real ninja and he has been working on some pretty sweet ninja moves.
Laiken was a monster for the trick or treating to the stores but he hated his costume, and in his defense it was a little to big for him he kept tripping on the pants, so he was a monkey Halloween evening.
Halloween morning our ward Primary put on a Halloween carnival. They did a really great job with lots of fun activities and festive food for the kids. We continued our fun that afternoon doing some trick or treating at the stores in town. Dahlin ended the night off taking the kids door to door trick or treating with the Wright boys. Syler was a maniac, they started at 6:30 and Syler lasted until after 9:00. He got a LOT of candy!!
Syler was a ninja this year and he had so much fun with his costume. I think he seriously wishes he was a real ninja and he has been working on some pretty sweet ninja moves.
Laiken was a monster for the trick or treating to the stores but he hated his costume, and in his defense it was a little to big for him he kept tripping on the pants, so he was a monkey Halloween evening.
I would say we had a successful Halloween this year!
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